"I hate my life!" How do we build lives that we don’t need to escape from?
The illustrator, Sasa Elebea wisely advises us in her illustration above to ‘build a life you don’t need to escape from.’ It sounds like common sense, doesn’t it?
However, if you tap into Google ‘I hate my’ these are some of the top searches performed on Google that begin I hate are:
"I hate my boss" "I hate my life" "I hate my family" I hate my job" "I hate my boyfriend."
Do you hate your life?
I wonder how many people have made lives they hate, full of people they hate (including themselves!?
Did they start off hating their lives? Probably not.
So how does someone come to hate their whole life and everyone in it?
We begin to hate our lives when we try to make lives that don’t work, work
Many people get so desperate to make their lives ‘work’ that they push on and on, until they just break down. Their body & unconscious mind knows it’s the only escape.
Sometimes the breakdown is illness. Other times the breakdown takes the form of feeling physically & emotionally drained and being barely able to function. It’s the last-ditch attempt to escape from the status quo.
But many of us, even at break down level, don’t get it. Instead, what follows is feeling ashamed, or lazy or just ‘not good enough’ because we can barely get out of bed ‘for no reason.’
People wait for you to ‘pull yourself together’ and wonder why you can’t.
Say you have finally hit break-down level - chances are you still keep trying. Except now you really can't do much of anything. You are running on emotional 'fumes'.
People wait for you to ‘pull yourself together’ and wonder why you can’t.
Now comes the shame, as you reflect that you must be 'lazy'. Then comes the not feeling ‘good enough’ because you can barely get out of bed ‘for no reason.’
Why can't I just 'snap out of it'?
There is a reason. What you are experiencing is the result of building a life you need to escape from.
The cost of trying to make a life that doesn’t work for you - a life that breaks your heart, stifles your creativity, limits your potential, hems you in, diminishes who you are – a life that you need to escape from, is your mental and physical health.
The cost of making a life that you want to escape from is too damn high.
Ok fine, I hate my life - what do I do now?
If you are reading this and thinking ‘Yes, I do hate my life – but what am I supposed to do about it?’, well that is a very good question and I am so glad you asked!
Maybe start by checking-in with yourself. How do you feel?
Feelings are your friends. Like physical pain, they tell you when you’re not ok. Sometimes all they’re telling you is that you need a chat and a hug from a friend. Or a good cry. Or a bit of R&R. Other times they’re letting you know that this relationship isn’t quite right, or your job isn’t working out the way you’d hoped, and it could be time to think about a new direction.
Many people ignore their feelings. And so the feelings build up. Distress levels climb. And they power on and on...until they can’t anymore.
Your feelings can let you know if the life you have built is where you want to stay, or a place you want to escape from. Listen to them.
I feel depressed, I feel anxious, I feel hurt, I feel lonely, I feel confused, I feel.... too many feelings!!
If the check-in leads to a bunch of confusing and painful feelings, it’s probably worth thinking about talking to a counsellor.
Counselling isn’t just for people in the emotional breakdown stage (although it can help with that too.)
6 weeks of early intervention counselling - a bit of emotional ‘first aid’ can save you years of counselling later.
So, if you feel you might need help with difficult feelings or experiences, please don't despair. Remember that it’s never so bad that you can’t feel better in time.
If you’re still here, reading this, there is hope.
Where do I find a counsellor?
If you would like to find out more about how counselling could help you to build a life you don’t need to escape from, you can click here to arrange a chat
We can take up to an hour together to get a sense if I'm the right person to help you. You can tell me a bit about what's been going on for you, ask me any questions you might have about what's involved in coming for sessions, and find out if I'm someone who can help you feel better - someone who can help you work out how to build a life that makes you happy, that you don’t have to break down to escape from.
Alternatively, you can check out The Counselling Directory or the BACP Therapist Directory to find hundreds of other lovely counsellors in your area.
For tips on what to look for in a counsellor, check out my post "How do I choose a counsellor?"
Self-Love Quiz
Self-love is the foundation of mental health, which is why I created the self-love quiz – to help you measure you self-love level & help you learn how to improve your mental health, so that you can create a happier, more satisfying life!
