I love this pic because it beautifully illustrates what anger is: weaponised pain, fear and sadness.
Anger gets a bad press – it’s unpredictable and it can feel scary, whichever end of it you’re on.
I’m sure all of us can relate to the fiery kitten on the left now and again. And most of us have experienced the aftermath of the poor kitten on the right too.
But are you experiencing this emotional rollercoaster on a regular basis?
Perhaps you’ve been the fiery kitten for so long you’ve forgotten what it feels like to admit vulnerability.
Maybe you’ve been feeling like the sad kitten for a while, but are struggling to show it without flames.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
But no matter how unmanageable your anger might feel right now, it is possible to learn how to cope better. Let’s explore how therapy could help with that anger.
Why does my anger feel so unmanageable?
Anger can be such a frightening emotion which affects everybody differently.
- Some try to hold it down, address the situation by telling themselves to stay calm. In these cases though, anger will break free at the worst possible time. It can be set off by the smallest of triggers and come back worse than ever.
- Some try to swallow it. They push it to the back of their mind and pretend that everything is a-ok. But do this and you’ll most likely choke on the emotion.
- Some use it as a cover for all their difficult feelings. Rather than admitting their sadness, fear, or pain, they fly into a rage whenever these feelings begin to surface. These people exhaust themselves.
- Some turn it inward, bombarding themselves with negative self-talk. This is a sure-fire way to becoming depressed.
See how destructive each of these responses can be? It’s no wonder we feel so out of control once anger takes hold. It can seem like there is no escaping its clutches.
How could things be different?
There is a way out, if you’re ready to do some work.
If you can allow yourself to feel your anger, and listen to what it’s telling you, it can be a powerful ally.
By doing this, you can stop seeing anger as a cover-up for more difficult emotions, or something to be repressed. Instead, your anger will:
- Alert you to possible threats – you may feel attacked, disrespected or taken advantage of.
- Connect you to a need for urgent action on your behalf or someone else’s.
- Give you the power to defend yourself or protect another.
How do I get there?
If you’re ready to start taking control of your emotions, there is a straightforward way to do this.
Working therapeutically with anger can reveal and eventually help to heal the raw, unhealed parts of a person.
If we can bear it and not flinch away, we can come out the other side.
It all starts with the willingness to lean into the anger, and start exploring the emotions that lie beneath.
Where do I start?
If you’re struggling with anger and would like a safe space to:
- Rage without censure or judgement
- Explore the role of anger in your life
- Find a way to bring your anger under control
Get in touch now to find out how therapy could help you with your anger. I offer free 60 minute chats to anyone who’d like to find out if I’m someone who can help them feel better. You can book one of these calls now or find out more by visiting my website: www.aliharristherapy.com.
Image credit @Hornyshrimp